


intangible

by smackavoys



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1663058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smackavoys/pseuds/smackavoys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm not John anymore, Shadowcat." In which Pyro isn't actually completely evil, but he's still not John, and Kitty can't accept that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	intangible

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. Set post-X2, pre-TLS. Thanks to [](http://cookiesrockkeke.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://cookiesrockkeke.livejournal.com/)**cookiesrockkeke** for the prompt and the encouragement. I don't know what I'd do without you, bananars.
> 
> I'm actually not sure if I like this because bleh. Very poorly developed. Very OOC. Very sorry.

 

 

Kitty tosses and turns in her bed, unable to get to sleep. She sighs and slaps a hand over her eyes. No, she hadn't been there when he'd crossed over to _their_ side at Alkali Lake, but vivid images of him doing so cloud her mind. They aren't nearly as bad as the images of him as a full-fledged member of the Brotherhood that have been plaguing her incessantly for the two weeks since the X-Men had returned - without him.

She had pretended not to search for him among the faces that entered the room and acted furious when Logan had told her what happened. "Fuck you, John Allerdyce," she'd said later that night as she phased through the floor and down into his bedroom. "And I never cuss, so you can only imagine how pissed I am at you right now." She spends the night curled up under his covers, mumbling insults and sighing as if he were there to hear her.

Tonight is the first night in two weeks she spends in her own room, and she resists the urge to close her eyes and phase through her bed and the floor, even though all she wants is to do just that. She wants to sleep on his bed and bury her face in his sheets and pretend he's still there. It's worth having to wake up at six every morning and making the bed to look like it'd been left untouched.

(Kitty briefly wonders if Logan or anyone else, for that matter, suspected her of sleeping in _Pyro_ 's room.)

Sighing to herself, Kitty throws off her covers and grabs her pullover, hastily putting it on. Without much difficulty, she flings herself out the window and lands knee-deep into the ground. When she's on ground level once more, she sets off towards the surrounding forest, no destination in mind.

Pyro's walking through the woods, having wandered away from the Brotherhood's campsite perimeter while he was on patrol. He blinks when he spots her lithe form, and fingers the lighter in his pocket. The cold metal sends a shiver through him and reassures him that she's really there, sitting in a small clearing, knees brought to her chest and head raised to the sky. "Well, well, well," he smirks, coming closer. "if it isn't the ever-perfect Kitty Pryde." She nearly falls over when she hears his voice.

'Oh, God,' she thinks, 'I'm even hearing things now. I really need to get some sleep.' When she turns, she tries to convince herself that _no_ , St. John Allerdyce is _not_ standing mere feet away, towering over her with his zippo lighter in hand. He flicks the lid open and closed, an amused look on his face. She flinches at the familiar sound and that's when she realizes that he is, in fact, really there.

"John." Kitty regains her composure and straightens up. His jaw tightens briefly, before going slack.

"I'm not John anymore, Shadowcat."

She scoffs and turns away from him. "I'm still Kitty, _Pyro_ ," she snaps. He smiles softly at her childishness and reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder. It falls through and it kills him a little bit because it means she doesn't want him to touch her. "Go away, Jo- Py- you know what? Stay. I'll leave." She quickly stands up and turns to make her way back to the school.

Pyro grabs her by the wrist and she doesn't even have the strength to phase, so she only turns back and waits for him to let go. "Kitty," he murmurs, "please." He doesn't even wait for her to respond before he wraps both his arms around her and holds her close to him. "I miss you." She's slightly in awe because John never says _please_.

There's so much she could say.

_Then why did you leave?_

_I don't miss you_

_You fucking left me_

_Was I not enough?_

_Did you even care at all?_

She doesn't even care anymore, so she buries her face in his chest and lets the tears fall, because nobody can see them anyway and because she can't hold them back any longer.

She knows that this will probably end badly and they'll both end up hurt, her more than him, but she lets him kiss her forehead and stroke her hair and hold her close anyway. Her arms wrap around his waist and she mumbles, "Are you going to stay here?" And they both know when she says _here_ she doesn't mean in her arms deep within the forest. He sucks in a breath and he can almost feel disappointment filling her. So he pulls back and lifts her chin, leaning close until their noses are brushing each other.

"I'm here now."

And that's good enough, for now.

* * *

Their encounters go on for the next few nights, and he lets her call him John again. ' _Just you_ ,' he'd grinned. Kitty constantly ignores the returning butterflies fluttering in her stomach whenever he does that - smile. It's like he never left and they were still together the way they were before - awkward, clumsy, first-time lovers.

He's lying next to her on the grass one night, their pinkies brushing. And although he's supposed to be gazing at the night sky with her, he catches the slightest reddening of the normally milky skin on her cheeks.

It seems that some things haven't changed. She's still awkward and clumsy, and her attempt at making small-talk proves it. "The stars are really nice tonight, aren't they?"

He laughs softly before shrugging. "I don't know. They're alright, I guess. Nothing special." Almost immediately, she turns her head to look at him as if he's crazy. "What? They're just stars, Kit-Kat." She shakes her head at him.

"I love looking at the stars. There's just something about them. I feel like a night spent staring at the sky, the stars, the constellations... That's a night well-spent." She tears her gaze away from him and looks back up.

"I don't like looking at stars." He distracts himself by flipping open his zippo and playing with the small tongue of fire that it produces. He lets the fire weave through his fingers before closing his fist around it and extinguishing the flame.

"Why not?"

"I just don't." She doesn't press the matter because he's bound to tell her sooner or later. He always does, and Kitty takes pride in that fact because he doesn't tell anyone else anything like what he's told her and he never will.

* * *

 

She's smiling a lot more these days. Bobby is the one who takes note of this. She only smiles wider and shrugs, so he changes the topic. They're sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast when he asks her if she wanted to join him on his movie marathon. She refuses for the very first time since they became friends and the look he gives her is a mix of shock and feigned hurt. "Why not, though?" he asks. She shrugs indifferently, hoping he wouldn't pry. He does.

"I know you miss Pyro, but-"

"John, Bobby. It's John."

He sighs and shakes his head before standing up and placing his cereal bowl in the sink a tad louder than usual. "There's no more John Allerdyce, Kitty, just Pyro." Kitty rolls her eyes and goes back to eating, because it's Bobby and Bobby's always been dramatic, even before his involvement in the conflict with the Brotherhood started.

(Kitty thinks that if John were there, he'd make some snide comment about Bobby's near constant overreaction to everything. She realizes that if John were there, though, Bobby wouldn't be acting this way in the first place.)

"Because I can't reach them," he says plainly. They're lying on the grass like they always are, and looking at the stars. It's been nearly a fortnight since they've started this whatever. It's not the same as what they were before, but it's probably somewhere along the lines of that.

Kitty doesn't hide her confused look. "What?"

"I don't like looking at the stars because I know I can't reach them," John repeats softly. "Not now, nor will I ever. It's like my whole life I've been trying to reach them, to be among them. From when I was just a kid, even until I met you guys." She stays silent, because she doesn't really know what to say and she doesn't want to ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. He continues, "but it's alright. I have my own. You're like my star, Kitty. Cheesy as that may sound. I actually might love you as much as you love looking at stars."

She's speechless because John never says anything like that. Not when they were friends, not when they were dating, not ever. This isn't John, and she can't even bring herself to think that this is Pyro. All of a sudden, she's scared of what they were and what they would be and she thinks she's in too deep and when he tries to take her hand in his, for the first time in thirteen days, he can't touch her.

There's an awkward silence as his hand retreats back to his side and her eyes dart around as she chews on her lower lip. She swallows the lump in her throat and for the rest of the night, they don't speak at all.

She doesn't show up the next night.

He doesn't give up. He goes back every night, frowning every time he arrives and she's not there. The first night he waits an hour, and he waits longer and longer with each passing day. 

The last night, he lays on the grass, heaving a sigh before turning on his side. His eyelids feel heavy and can almost swear that he sees her among the trees. He stares at her, not wanting to blink, watching as she steps closer. "Hey," she murmurs. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be," he replies. He keeps his eyes on her as she sits next to him, legs folded underneath herself. She hesitantly pulls his hand towards her and laces her fingers with his. He feels her soft skin against his and that's when he lets himself close his eyes and slowly fall asleep. 

He doesn't realize that his hand is suddenly cold again just before he succumbs.

John wakes up on the grass, cold and alone and a neatly folded note next to him. He's sort of dreading opening it but he does anyway because on the outside is his name, written in Kitty's distinct loopy scrawl.

_~~Jo~~ Pyro, _

_You were right. You're not John anymore. You're Pyro now, and I'm still Kitty. The John Allerdyce I came to know and love is gone._

_Kitty Pryde_

He laughs bitterly and the next thing he knows, he's setting the note aflame. He watches the flame slowly consume the letter from the edges of the paper, making them burn each word as excruciatingly slowly as possible. He feels as if the fire he's watching is coursing through his body and thinks it's almost ironic how her intangibility was what had left the greatest wound. 

He extinguishes it halfway through, and he's left with a charred remnant.  _You're Pyro now_ _._


End file.
